Love Relationship Help

This report reveals what the number one thing is that keeps couples together happily and also the most common mistake that destroys love relationships and leads to the staggering divorce rate that we have.

Dr. John Gottman did a 25-year study on what makes successful relations work.

He found that couples must have a minimum of a 5 to 1 ratio of pleasant experiences VS disagreements to succeed at all in a healthy love relationship. (strong relationships have a much higher ratio.)

In all the years I have helped couples with their relationships, I have come to use a different word, and it's simply “fun”.

If you go back to when you started to date, you may not have noticed but every date you ever went on was centered around doing something fun together. Your subconscious associates these fun times with this other person and that's much of why you fall in love to begin with. Then you get married and shift your focus to duties, work, accomplishments, goals and achievements and often wonder where the love went. 

Many view just having fun as an “extra” if you have time, and this is the problem. Sharing pleasant fun times together is a necessity in maintaining a healthy vibrant love relationship.

 

Steve Jobs said on his deathbed that his biggest mistake in life was making his achievements the main priority in his life and pushing away the people that loved him.

When his long-time girlfriend from college got pregnant, he broke up with her and denied the baby girl was his. He tried to connect with his daughter just before he died. She was a teenager by then. Can you even imagine the love and connection he lost in all the childhood years with his daughter?

 

Keeping love alive in your relationship is almost an impossible task if you put your achievements first.

Have as many achievements and goals as you want … just put love in your life as a first priority. Love is the 2nd highest need we have as human beings just after food and shelter.

(from Dr. Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs.)

 

Have you ever thought why so many rich, famous, beautiful people fail at keeping love alive?

They are driven high achievers that put love in the back seat and then often end up on drugs … they often hate their life. People use drugs to escape the life they hate. Wait a minute here, let’s Backup … rich, famous, beautiful & not happy … what’s missing here?

Elizabeth Taylor is a prime example of what I'm talking about. She was married 8 times. She wanted love just as much as anyone else does but she always put it in second place after her career and she never understood that her selfishness killed any chance of achieving the happiness she really wanted that comes from sharing a real love relationship with another person.

Don’t get me wrong here … you can be rich and famous and be happy but the failure rate of keeping love alive in this group is extremely high.

What’s missing is, understanding priorities and getting them straight.

You don’t get happiness without having love in your life … and you don’t get love without giving and connecting.

Keeping and taking pushes love away … it’s truly connecting unselfishly and giving of yourself that attracts love in your life.

You can’t be selfish and demand love … it just doesn’t work that way.

 

The encouraging thing about this relationship advice ...is that if you want to learn how to keep love alive and become truly happy … you can … anyone who wants to can achieve it! You just have to make the effort to learn how.

 

When I retired and began putting my material on-line about finding and keeping love alive, a good friend said; “that’s just common sense stuff” like “what’s so special about that … it’s just common sense stuff that anyone could figure out”. At least, that’s the way I interpreted her comment and I was a little offended until I thought about it a little more. There is some truth in what she said.

That is actually the good news about learning how to get love right and keep it alive … it’s really quite easy to understand … it's mostly common sense stuff. But there is a catch to understanding this so called easy common sense stuff.

 

Dr. Ellen Kreidman tells a surprising story that illustrates how love is slowly squashed in many of our relationships. 

A couple she knew had built their dream house and had just moved in. They decided one evening to eat dinner on their expensive new sofa to watch a special program on TV. As you may have already guessed, he spilled his drink on their new sofa. The wife was very upset that he would be so careless as to spill his drink on their expensive new sofa. She really went off on him and said a few “unkind” words that I won’t repeat here. 

Two weeks later she had an office party at her house for all her staff. A new lady who had only been with their company for 2 weeks accidentally spilled her drink on their new sofa. She felt terrible and apologized profusely for making such a clumsy blunder.

The lady of the house said “don’t worry about it … these things happen. We had it protected with that fabric spray … it will clean up very easily and be as good as new."

We often treat near strangers with more respect and decency than the people we love.

Most any onlooker could see the problem here as simple common sense. But here is the reality. Most of us have done similar things without even thinking. These are hurtful destructive damaging actions. Any one knows he didn’t spill that drink on their new sofa on purpose just so he could irritate his wife into yelling at him.

Do you think the rant she laid on him was helpful in some way? It wasn’t. If she stepped back and looked at her action, do you think even she would think her actions were helpful in some way? I seriously doubt that she would. Did she put the slightest thought into keeping their love alive? She did not.

 

You have to consciously think about keeping your love alive and make a choice to learn new habits. Understanding the concepts that make loving relationships work well are often easy but implementing new habits to make it work in your life is most often not an easy thing.

Remember what Brian Tracy says; “good habits are hard to form but easy to live with and bad habits are easy to form but hard to live with”.

 

The men’s 100% surefire formula to kill the love in his relationship:

Develop a strong dose of stubbornness, add a stout dose of arrogance because you are definitely smarter than she is, (you know that if she would just shut up and listen to you, everything would be fine.)

Be sure to verbally beat her down because you are always right and know best.

On the other hand, if you want to keep your love alive … recognize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. (Even you)

Focus on her strengths … make up for her weaknesses, because you can and she does that for you, (you just may not have noticed before).

Tell her often that you love her because she is the best thing that ever happened to you.

She will flourish and grow in those conditions and you will both have the amazing love you always wanted.

If keeping love alive in your relationship is important to you, remember that true love is made by you … it does not just magically appear in your life because you demand it.

You may not have thought about this, but you always choose some variation of one of these either consciously or by default ... and the results are yours.

 

May love abound in your life the way you want.

Stanley and Natalia Collins

 

PS: While working with couples over the years, it has amazed me how many people complain about finding out upsetting things about their partner after marriage. The most common response from the other partner is; "you never asked me" ... so I have compiled a list of questions to ask your partner (ideally before you get married) to help alleviate this problem.

Asking the right questions, not only leads to a better understanding but can avert a lot of needles pain. And if you are married, it's never too late to learn how to make things better.

 

I'm going to be sending you an e-mail shortly with the access to this list of questions … so be watching for it. And, don't worry, there's no charge for this, so just enjoy.